Long time.

Lots of things. Like volunteering for the Nina and Pinta replica ships here at home. Got to cruise with them to Ft. Myers. My BFF and her husband helped make it happen. I cruised aboard the Pinta. Did lots more physical labor than I thought I would but it was all good. I gained strength and I think some seeds for the future. There’s so much  I should elaborate on.

Mom came to visit me April 22, it was a decent time until she fell on my porch. Bad stuff…I had to trick her to going to the hospital – she refused care for 5 days! WTF. Broke her femur and internally bled. == so much has been going on, Gonzo got vestibular disease, Chark got into an accident, there’s other stupid shit I can’t remember right now =/

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boat trips, water, beach, gulf, clear water, wonderful beach, lots of swimming, need more swimming, kitties, job, what to do with mom, wtf w my sister.

so much. so brief.

This past weekend exploded in a good way for me. First I volunteered to help out with the replica Niña y Pinta with crowd control. Went down there Friday after my dentist (got a filling) appointment to check it out.

Been meaning to dream blog about the two dreams I had about a week ago. However, the busy work week combined with people visiting me when I got home made me offline.

Anyways, I had two dreams where a male was either pulling at one of my tits or pushing his body weight into me. Physically they were vivid. But now it’s been a week, not so vivid now. The tit pull is most memorable.

What’s next?

Haven’t felt like blogging lately. Even though there’s plenty of interesting things to blog about. Like when I went to Naples Bay to hang out on a nice balmy Sunday watching birds, fish and people in their boats. I’ve got to know my new next door neighbor (and her 3 kids!). She’s cool, from Cali and my sister’s age. She had some tequila Friday night and bought a grill and that turned out to be a good time with neighbors (got to meet Dee and Eee – they live across from me). Drinking continued, the grill was fired up, decent conversation, good times.

I get lonely, I miss having someone to do stuff with as in boyfriend. Someone to lean on. I do have people close by to lean on, but that’s different. Yes, there are plenty of men out there. Today alone two have been in touch with me. Both just want sexual favors. One was a booty call previously anyway and that’s cool. But the other one is a guy I knew back from high school days. And well…he’s an idiot. We haven’t been in touch for around 2 decades, and out of the blue he messages me on Borgface and opened up with basically a “hey let’s fuck” greeting. Who does that in their 40s? A dumb ass SC redneck, that’s who. The other stupid thing is we never dated or had any sort of physical relationship back then. So why now, 20 years later out of the blue would a guy ask a girl that? Is he that hard up? One of his first messages was about him coming hard and fast. Yeah, that’s what I want a 5 minute fuck (hear the sarcasm). Which points out how much he doesn’t know me. Last week he messaged me wanting to know if he visits me will I kiss him. I responded with “on the cheek”. He types, “what am I a frog?”. Definitely not gentleman, that’s for sure. I asked him “what am I a slut? someone to fuck?”. I stopped responding to him after that. He sent me an angel emoticon. Sheesh. What I just described is a condensed version, of course.

One of my life goals is to travel/live in the South Pacific (actually I don’t think there’s another that compares to this one). It’s the other side of the world for me and I’ve always been drawn to that area. Once I moved to Naples, I felt like this would be my gateway to a cruising life at sea.

About 2 weeks ago a guy got in touch with me on the Find A Crew website. We’ve had a couple of email exchanges and basically he’s offering a life at sea with him, “the dream”.

I can’t right now…I don’t even know what to do about my bills. What do I do? It kinda makes my head spin! LOL. He seems like a competent sailor, he’s older and divorced. He might even be old enough to be my father. What to do…

Yesterday there were landscapers at my job trimming the overgrown vegetation. One of the trees harbored a very large airplant (bromeliad) so I paid close attention when said tree was being manicured. Sure enough the branch that had the plant was cut. I promptly went outside to retrieve the airplant. The foreman got it for me and trimmed up the branch it was on so it could be easier for me to transport.
Yeah, this plant is certainly large. I am proud to have it since it would have ended up mulch. Also it’s considered endangered. Growing right there in the industrial park.
It’s name: Bro
LOL

Awoke this morning feeling a bit lonely, missing a man’s touch. I decided to get up earlier than usual and start my day. While getting my tea kettle ready I remembered back to recent past Christmases.

Last year: here. 2010 was when joe was dating Christine. 2006 joe and I’s first Xmas together. Ugh, bad memories.
I distinctly remember Xmas of 2006. I was excited about seeing him that night after all our family’s events. My excitement was squelched by his sour stomach. We didn’t do anything. He gave me some Godiva chocolate. And I was home by midnight. Bummer. I clearly remember being disappointed and let down. Then I remembered around that time him telling me he likes to take relationships slow.

After I took my shower and made coffee I checked Facebork. Right there in my feed, friends telling Joe ‘congratulations’. Hummm, so I checked his wall. Yep, he’s engaged to Jennifer. Only 5 months after they started dating! Guess he’s not taking this relationship slow.

So those thoughts got me thinking about all the red flags I ‘saw’ during the beginning of our relationship. DAMN, I should have listened! That is the biggest lesson I learned from dating him. Listen to my gut feelings! If the relationship doesn’t seem right, it’s not. Plain and simple.

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It’s been hours since I posted that .^
I still feel rage. I obviously haven’t gotten over my feelings of how I wasted my time with him. Even though I can find silver linings (like I probably would not be where I am today without him entering my life and I did learn a lot about myself “in a relationship”) I still want to punch him in the face. The shit I put up with caused me to act like a bitch and then the subsequent back and forth between us was just plain stupid. No matter how much I tried to push him away, letting him know he’s not the guy for me, he still kept coming around. And my dumb ass kept rejoining the circus.

Here’s a sampling of what I call bullshit, that I put up with:
He had no driver’s license which meant me picking him up if we were to spend any time together. If he spent the night then I had to bring him home the next day. I would love to have all that gas money back and the time I lost. The kicker was how he made me feel if I didn’t feel like driving or going out for the evening. Good god you licenseless fucker, deal.

He worked 2nd shift, me 1st. Bad combination unless it was the weekend.

I had to put up with his crazy ex who said bad, false things about me in a public forum, would show up at happy hours. I asked him to block her just for the sake of our relationship but he wouldn’t.

Sex was lack luster until our first breakup then he ramped that up a bit. (??)

His temper = horrible. Enough that his mom even dances around it. People who go into rages over the simplest of things = dumb. Shit, it’s aggravating to put up with.

Last night he came over to wash a small load of laundry. He fed the kitties while I was in KB so I told him about the grilled meats I was bringing back to share with him. He and I dined on those morsels and after awhile his sweet tooth got him.
We looked in the cabinets and he saw a box of Jiffy corn muffin mix. He got that and started cutting up the lone apple. He started mixing the corn mix, adding the apple, I added the milk and egg. Next came sugar, a half-half of white & brown, I threw in some cinnamon and bake she went.
Good lord! It came out so good, addictive even. Must remember to make that again.

Tomorrow is the Winter Solstice which is being covered by the Mayan calendar’s prediction that an era ends on the same day.

Tomorrow will be another day. However, I do believe something’s underfoot. Perhaps we’ll start to see that collectively? No – because that’s the simple trick to it all – a collective-ness. We can’t do it.

No work for me tomorrow, I’m heading over to KB to visit my sister and her family. Tonight I’m chillin, listening to the guys work on the apt across the way. Listening to Souxsie and the Banshees. Wishing there was ….

Can’t stop daydreaming today. Last night was a super hot experience with the young one. He’s been spending more time with me since he does not currently have electricity. This marks two times for he and I in a week.

Last week’s encounter was out of the blue and needed. I was sitting around my apartment on a Sunday afternoon, very horny, day dreaming about all sorts of erotic thoughts (enough so that I felt tingly and was wet) around 4pm I heard a familiar male voice out in the courtyard…could that be Neil*? There was a knock at my door, like a wish granted there he stood. Thrilling excitement and disbelief raced though my head. He said he was hanging out with Ronnie* under the tree so I joined them. I chose a seat directly across from Neil. As the conversation went on I picked up on some sexual tension. I thought I could be imagining it all, after all my brain was saturated with naughty thoughts before Neil showed up. After about 45 mins of conversation Ronnie said he had to go to work and would be willing to take Neil home, but Neil indicated that he still needed to charge his phone and asked me if he could hang out. More thrilling excitement raced through my head knowing that he was going to be my evening company. Could something sexual happen? Good god! I sure hoped so.

Earlier this particular Sunday, some of my sexual day dreaming was my twin fantasy and general acts of extreme pleasure, like having a decent sized cock shoved down my throat. As we watched television the sexual tension rose. Then I noticed out of the corner of my eye something else had risen, he flinched his erection, as if waving a flag to me “hey! see me?”. Shortly I found myself on my knees, rubbing his manhood with my hands and wanting to feel him in my mouth. Feel him I did, licking him, circling my tongue around his hard shaft. Suddenly, I felt my earlier fantasy come true, he was shoving his cock in my throat. He stood up while I remained on my knees as he pushed his way deep. So much so his balls were tight against my chin. Such a turn on that can be for me – I was very wet when that was done. My hair was a mess, spit and tears covered my face. I looked up at him and smiled.

We hung out some last week. Monday evening and Thursday evening we hung out. Oh and Saturday night he stayed over till like 1:30 AM. I usually feel some sort of sexual tension between us – guess that’s why we get along. But I’m not always going to be the one who starts it unless my needs are burning from within. Last night was such.

Yesterday (Dec 16) I picked him up after grocery shopping, he needed to charge his phone. “Yes, please charge your phone at my place – that way I have some nice eye candy at least”, I devilishly thought to myself. I made a quiche, he made some of his sweet iced tea, we watched movies, good times. At some point he brought up the power of the “swartz”. I thought I saw an erection earlier and he confirmed that he was neither up nor down but medium. OK then…it’s on…

As the night wore on I decided to change out of my clothes into one of my nightgowns. Then I saw the thump, I couldn’t hold back any more. I crawled over to him and rubbed my hands up his thighs, under his clothes so I could feel his hardness, giving him a nice rub and a firm grip. Then I returned to my chair and smiled a devilish grin at him. Heh heh! After a few minutes, he gets up, slowly walks around my chair so he’s behind me, sternly grabs my head and pushes his clothed erection into the side of my face, then he yanks my had back, pulls his pants down to free his hard-on and starts slapping my face with his penis. I lick him as his does this then he shoves himself my mouth, bulging out my cheek and he begins to move out and in, holding himself inside my mouth to admire the bulge caused by his cock. Then after a few quick deep thrusts into my throat he walks back to his chair. Good lord, his erection was freaking intense after that! Completely at attention, snug against his abdomen, stretching the fabric of his shorts past the top of the waistband. Holy fuck! So intense! After a few minutes I went over to him and rubbed myself up and down on him, paying special attention to his erection, making sure I’m getting it in the mix. I rub him through his shorts, taking his cock in my mouth. Then I retreated back to my chair. It didn’t take long before he was back over to me, pulling his pants down and putting his cock in my face. I took him in, licking him, grabbing his balls, and every now and then he’d totally take control and deep throat me. I lost it a couple of times, regaining my throat control. With a low almost comforting voice, he said he was coming, I took him as deep as I could and felt him throb deep.

We hung out for a bit afterwards, it was getting late, both of us had work in the morning. And I couldn’t believe how wet I was. That was the end of the evening. And it left me wanting MORE.

*Names changed to protect identity.